shove, shove, crush, crush
My bag must fit, I am in a rush.
It is overpacked and an inch too long
I must prove that flight attendant all wrong.

I know I can make it fit in the little bin
everyone is watching me. I MUST WIN...
Here she comes, she will take it away
she will check my bag, and make me pay.

Off it goes, my big fat bag.
She gave me half of it's claim tag.
I will get it back when I get to that place
Flight Attendant, wipe that snear off your face!

I guess I was wrong it just wouldn't fit.
I looked like the biggest dimwit.
Trying so hard to stuff and to shove.
It just wouldn't fit in that bin up above.

I have learned my lesson and next time I won't pack
my entire house up in one big fat sack.
I will check my belongings, even if I must pay.
Really it is just much easier that way!!!

During the summer something sad happens. Well, it happens and exists all the time, but I notice it tenfold in the summer. Kids going back and forth from mom to dad, to mom. Today on the plane I was talking a woman about my age and her daughter. The little girl was probably 4 or 5. The mom was taking her daughter to her ex-husband for the summer, and leaving her... She started crying. I started crying. It is so sad, but happens on almost every single flight during the summer. Usually the kids are alone traveling between mom and dad. So sad. Sometimes they do not want to go. Sometimes they are excited to go. I feel sad for these kids and for the parents that do not get to be with their kids all the time.

Another Drunk, Another Dollar...

I had to throw off another drunk. I guess it is this economy. ;) I mean in 9.5 years, I have had to throw of 3 people for being intoxicated. 2 in the last 2 weeks! Nuts! This guy asked me if I was a flight attendant as I was closing OHBs before departure. (you know we wear uniforms, distinct uniforms at that)... and I told him yes, I was a f/a.... He wanted a beer. I asked him if he was drunk... his response a classic, "I wanna be"!! He could hardly make it off of the plane. (even with my foot in his rear) metaphorically of course...

Well, my company has announced that they will be laying off up to 1200 flight attendants. Seems like a massive number to me. I will be getting a notice to furlough this week. I need 123 people to take leaves in order to keep my job. Can you imagine, 9.5 years in a company entirely based on seniority, and I am in danger of losing my job. On this note (sorta) the average age of a flight attendant is 48.6. I am 16 years younger than the average! My my, it makes me feel so young. When/if they ever start hiring again, and I am alongside 20 year olds I will not know what to do....

I am off for a few weeks, mom is having her surgery... Next month= reserve. Lots of neat stories then, I am sure!

Thursday night on my last flight of the day, a drunk woman gets on. Now, I did not sniff her out, nor did she scream or fall on me. Another lovely passenger told us she was drunk. So, I go after her in the aisle trying to get a whiff of some whiskey or something... NOPE, can't smell her, guess she was drinking vodka. Anyways, the number 1 (first class flight attendant) told me to go and see if I thought she was drunk. After talking to her, I call the number 1 from the back and say, "yes, she is toasted." I go back over to the drunk and decide that she is nice and would probably be no threat on the 43 minute flight, and maybe she is not drunk, she might just have a strange speech issue. I mean no offense, but we were going to Arkansas, here....
No dice, she was drunk the agent came on and took her off kicking and screaming. I just waved bye bye, and went to Arkansas! Lesson of this story, DO NOT GET DRUNK AND TRY TO GET ON A PLANE. IT IS AGAINST THE FAA REGULATIONS!

Bring Your Friend to Work Day

My last trip was Friday- Sunday with a (what turned into) 36 hour layover in Memphis. These layovers are normally not my favorite since I am alone in a strange city and can not do the stuff I need to do. I mean, if I am going to have a day off, I want to be at home!! This trip was different. My friend, Jenny, came along from DFW-MEM on Friday night, spent the 2 nights with me and then came back Sunday. It was so much fun to go down to Beale street and listen to music and enjoy the city. Jenny got to see what it was like being a flight attendant, too. She got to see a drunk man (he ordered red wine and vodka, and DRANK THEM TOGETHER) and then he began hitting on the other flight attendant! She got to experience standby flying, which might just be too nerve racking for her! ;) I told her that she should become a flight attendant. Probably airlines will start hiring around the time Keelan goes off to college????!?!!?

I was worried that she would laugh at me during the saftey demo, but since she was way in the back and I was way in the front, I think she couldn't see me! It made work so much fun having a friend come to work!

I have one question, and one question only. (This is amazing for me, if you know how I LOVE to ask questions!!!)

Who uses shower caps in hotels?

Thank God Almighty reserve is almost over!!! I do not know why, but reserve is such a perstering little month. Perhaps b/c I am a planner, and I like to know the what, when, and where of every day!

So I had standby on Sunday afternoon, which was nice b/c I was home with the family all day before work. I got called out to do a two day trip, one leg to Vegas, one leg back home. Nice. Then I got reassigned to work Vegas-JFK, then deadhead home from NYC. Still OK. That Vegas-JFK flight was a totally full 757, and we had a couple of minor celebrities, and then a faux celebrity, that was off his rocker!
This dude (nice looking by the way) gets on and is having a hissy fit about his bag. He wants me to make sure that his bag is on b/c "he plays professional baseball, and his uniforms are in that bag." He tells me how he is going from the airport to the field. Whatever........
I calm him slightly, assure him his bag and uniforms are onboard. He tries to tip me. I do not know why I said I did not take tips. I should have taken it. oh well.

He was in the first row of coach. He could not get first b/c it was full, and he "missed his private jet" UH, if you have a private jet, do they leave without you??????? doubt it.
He went up to two ladies in first and offered them 500.00 to trade seats! BOZO, get out of here. Sit down and shut it!
All this, before we are even boarded completely. Finally, we are totally full, and ready to go. Lucky me, my jumpseat is directly across from faux celeb. His name is Jay. He told me his name, but that he likes to fly under the radar. He also told me several people already recognized him on the plane. I never saw anyone recognize him at all! So, Mr. Jay, has his legs SPRAWLED OUT on my jumpseat. I mean, you need to sit up for takeoff buddy, espcially if I am having to sit here. I sit down, and he begins asking me questions. (this is common, as everyone sitting in front of the jumpseat usually starts firing away the ????) The strange thing here is... he has noise canceling headseats on so he can not hear my responses. Take off your stupid headset, if you want to converse! Instead he was just screaming, and finally I rolled my eyes, and stopped answering all together.
Dude is up and around the entire flight, asking the f/as in coach for everything, wanting to talk about his baseball career. He informed us,"he is not as big as AROD, but he is really good" remember he wants to fly under the radar??/
I forgot to tell you, he was in a hoodie, and sunglasses, always a dead giveaway for a D list or fake celeb!!

On landing, he is sitting next to a Jewish guy. Some of them, pray at certain times, and they have rituals that they do when they pray. If you have never seen this, I admit, it can be slightly surprising. So this nice little Jewish guy wrapped up his arm, and got all ready for his prayer and was PRAYING. Jay starts firing off the questions.... With his headphones on.... Dude just wants to pray in peace. This was on landing, so I was sitting there again. Jay is clueless.
Luckily, he was sidetracked and started telling me, and ( b/c of the headsets, half of the cabin) how his neighbor is anna kornikova. OK.

So, we finally get to NYC and I call my googlizer friend, tell her his name and guess what? There is no Jay Sayer in the MLB, especially the Orioles, or Reds. I forgot to tell you that he was wearing MLB socks. Goober.

Up front, we had Jamie from Mythbusters, he was very nice, and Brandon loves that show! Also, the mom from That Seventies Show. Also, very nice. Neither of them were wearing hoodies and shades!