A blizzard. Merry Christmas.

What's this? A blizzard in December?? How dare you cancel flights because of 3 feet of snow?
I have been off and at home the last 10 days. Not off, but on call and not getting a call! That is THE BEST. I am sure I will get called next week, and all I can say, is this, "Please no blizzards!" People get cranky when it snows, and their flights are delayed, I can not handle being called bad names, b/c flights have canceled. I just want easy, breezy, flights to Puerto Vallarta, or Cabo. Merry Christmas.

Thank the Lord (and my 200.00) that I am off for Thanksgiving! I am off from now until December first! Now, really Thanksgiving is the holiday I mind working the least, but since I am doomed to be working all of the other holidays this year, I celebrate being off for Thanksgiving!!!

I look forward to not dealing with holiday travelers. No offense to anyone, it's just that those business travelers know exactly what they are doing. They do not go in the lav barefoot. They do not hit on me. They do not need help lifting their heavy bag into the OHB. They do not ask me for pillows, or what is for lunch. They just make it so easy. This year, I am thankful for business travelers. I am thankful for all air travelers since they are helping the economy and the airline industry!
Come December, I will have plenty of chances to help people in all ways possible. I will wear my Christmas light headband, and I will wear it with a smile! From one Turkey to another. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sick People

So, I have been out of the loop for about 6 weeks. I had vacation, and well, let's face it, I just dropped lots of trips and did not work for awhile. Anyways, I am back. My first leg had 2 green sick people. Luckily, only one vomited. I felt slightly rude donning the rubber gloves to deal with her and her fluids, but hey, there is an epidemic coming. She did not seem to notice my gloves. However, Picture this: Sick woman (girlish woman not sure of the age) sitting on the lav floor (GROSS) Me standing at the door. For some reason I bent down to be on her level and see how she was doing. I was asking her a series of questions just to see what her ailment could be.... I ask her if she is pregnant. HAHAHAHA She begins laughing. She informs me that she had her period 4 days ago, and really she just doesn't have sex that often. Fine. Like I care. Then, she takes her hand and slaps me on the arm. Playful, gentle slap, but she was in the midst of puking her guts out and slapped me! I knew I should have donned the plastic gown as well....

Training Day

Training is over for another year! Thank God!! Every year a flight attendant must go to the "charm farm" and requalify on all airplanes, cpr, etc... Every year I start getting nervous about a month before I go. This year, I started getting nervous in July since I was supposed to go in August. Due to a funeral, I postponed until yesterday. If you are not a flight attendant, or if you are an anal super stew, then you probably think that I am ridiculous for being so concerned. You are right. It is ridiculous. I have done it 10 times now. But still I sweat, feel like I might vomit, and turn red. I do not know why. Why does pretending to have a lav fire make me nervous? It is not a real plane. Why can't I just pretend I am playing stewardess? I do not know. I am just glad it is over and that I once again passed the drills, and fit through the window. The window is the only weight check these days.

Passport Woes

As most of you know I have created a situation that is making work on Sunday a bit nerve racking. What I mean is, I am supposed to go to Mexico and I have no passport. I sent my passport away to be changed from Robinius to Oakley. Yes I have been married 5 years...
Well, I did not think this would be an issue. Because I was pregnant I would not be flying and so it was not a big deal for me to send it off, and be without it. Now, I am not pregnant, supposed to go to Mexico City and have no passport. I feel a cold coming on....
Hopefully it comes tomorrow in the mail!!!

I am not getting laid off. I was pretty sure I would be safe this go around, and I am. Thank goodness. I was slightly nervous, reguardless because really a layoff has effects on everyone that works for the company. Lots of folks were able to take leaves, and so Only about 300 or 400 are being furloughed, which is a lot, but it was initially 1200...

Still in limbo about the furlough. Now, they are REOFFERING leaves w/ partial insurance coverage. Now, this is more interesting to me, since the reason for not taking a leave, is b/c of insurance. However, it is cobra and the wordage is unusual, so I need to really read it and make sure that I will not be screwed if I take a LOA.

Did I tell you guys that there are more flight attendants in their 70s than there are flight attendants in their 30s? Just an interesting fact for you....

All I Ever Needed to Know....

I had the most educating trip last weekend. The first life lesson I picked up was this:
When you step on an airplane (or anywhere, I'll bet) and your coworker tells you, "I am the most laid back flight attendant you will ever work with." Well, he/she is simply not telling the truth. The most laid back flight attendant doesn't have to tell you!

Next, and probably more important... is don't throw down an attitude and think you will get your way. I mean pooh said it best, "you catch more flies with honey." At least I think it was Pooh. I encounted THE BIGGEST JERK OF A MAN (and his bitchy wife) on the way to Seattle. I have a feeling BJ is going to write a mean letter about his experience, and all I can respond is this. I wish I could write a letter about HIM!

I also met a very nice lady, that I talked with for an hour on the way to SEA. Everyone else was asleep... NL was sitting next to BJ. Poor Nice Lady, she probably wanted to move, but there were no open seats.

The last lesson, and I try hard not to be judgemental about this, but grown adults should shower everyday, and wear antipersperant. I know some cultures might differ, some folks might just not want to mess with it, but if you are going on a 4+ hour ride on an airplane in the summer... For the love of God, shower first! BO is not really a big problem. By big I mean widespread, but when it is onboard, everyone knows!

Well, I know I learned a few things. I must admit I was pretty nice to BJ, but if I could meet him in a dark galley... I mean alley...... :)

shove, shove, crush, crush
My bag must fit, I am in a rush.
It is overpacked and an inch too long
I must prove that flight attendant all wrong.

I know I can make it fit in the little bin
everyone is watching me. I MUST WIN...
Here she comes, she will take it away
she will check my bag, and make me pay.

Off it goes, my big fat bag.
She gave me half of it's claim tag.
I will get it back when I get to that place
Flight Attendant, wipe that snear off your face!

I guess I was wrong it just wouldn't fit.
I looked like the biggest dimwit.
Trying so hard to stuff and to shove.
It just wouldn't fit in that bin up above.

I have learned my lesson and next time I won't pack
my entire house up in one big fat sack.
I will check my belongings, even if I must pay.
Really it is just much easier that way!!!

During the summer something sad happens. Well, it happens and exists all the time, but I notice it tenfold in the summer. Kids going back and forth from mom to dad, to mom. Today on the plane I was talking a woman about my age and her daughter. The little girl was probably 4 or 5. The mom was taking her daughter to her ex-husband for the summer, and leaving her... She started crying. I started crying. It is so sad, but happens on almost every single flight during the summer. Usually the kids are alone traveling between mom and dad. So sad. Sometimes they do not want to go. Sometimes they are excited to go. I feel sad for these kids and for the parents that do not get to be with their kids all the time.

Another Drunk, Another Dollar...

I had to throw off another drunk. I guess it is this economy. ;) I mean in 9.5 years, I have had to throw of 3 people for being intoxicated. 2 in the last 2 weeks! Nuts! This guy asked me if I was a flight attendant as I was closing OHBs before departure. (you know we wear uniforms, distinct uniforms at that)... and I told him yes, I was a f/a.... He wanted a beer. I asked him if he was drunk... his response a classic, "I wanna be"!! He could hardly make it off of the plane. (even with my foot in his rear) metaphorically of course...

Well, my company has announced that they will be laying off up to 1200 flight attendants. Seems like a massive number to me. I will be getting a notice to furlough this week. I need 123 people to take leaves in order to keep my job. Can you imagine, 9.5 years in a company entirely based on seniority, and I am in danger of losing my job. On this note (sorta) the average age of a flight attendant is 48.6. I am 16 years younger than the average! My my, it makes me feel so young. When/if they ever start hiring again, and I am alongside 20 year olds I will not know what to do....

I am off for a few weeks, mom is having her surgery... Next month= reserve. Lots of neat stories then, I am sure!

Thursday night on my last flight of the day, a drunk woman gets on. Now, I did not sniff her out, nor did she scream or fall on me. Another lovely passenger told us she was drunk. So, I go after her in the aisle trying to get a whiff of some whiskey or something... NOPE, can't smell her, guess she was drinking vodka. Anyways, the number 1 (first class flight attendant) told me to go and see if I thought she was drunk. After talking to her, I call the number 1 from the back and say, "yes, she is toasted." I go back over to the drunk and decide that she is nice and would probably be no threat on the 43 minute flight, and maybe she is not drunk, she might just have a strange speech issue. I mean no offense, but we were going to Arkansas, here....
No dice, she was drunk the agent came on and took her off kicking and screaming. I just waved bye bye, and went to Arkansas! Lesson of this story, DO NOT GET DRUNK AND TRY TO GET ON A PLANE. IT IS AGAINST THE FAA REGULATIONS!

Bring Your Friend to Work Day

My last trip was Friday- Sunday with a (what turned into) 36 hour layover in Memphis. These layovers are normally not my favorite since I am alone in a strange city and can not do the stuff I need to do. I mean, if I am going to have a day off, I want to be at home!! This trip was different. My friend, Jenny, came along from DFW-MEM on Friday night, spent the 2 nights with me and then came back Sunday. It was so much fun to go down to Beale street and listen to music and enjoy the city. Jenny got to see what it was like being a flight attendant, too. She got to see a drunk man (he ordered red wine and vodka, and DRANK THEM TOGETHER) and then he began hitting on the other flight attendant! She got to experience standby flying, which might just be too nerve racking for her! ;) I told her that she should become a flight attendant. Probably airlines will start hiring around the time Keelan goes off to college????!?!!?

I was worried that she would laugh at me during the saftey demo, but since she was way in the back and I was way in the front, I think she couldn't see me! It made work so much fun having a friend come to work!

I have one question, and one question only. (This is amazing for me, if you know how I LOVE to ask questions!!!)

Who uses shower caps in hotels?

Thank God Almighty reserve is almost over!!! I do not know why, but reserve is such a perstering little month. Perhaps b/c I am a planner, and I like to know the what, when, and where of every day!

So I had standby on Sunday afternoon, which was nice b/c I was home with the family all day before work. I got called out to do a two day trip, one leg to Vegas, one leg back home. Nice. Then I got reassigned to work Vegas-JFK, then deadhead home from NYC. Still OK. That Vegas-JFK flight was a totally full 757, and we had a couple of minor celebrities, and then a faux celebrity, that was off his rocker!
This dude (nice looking by the way) gets on and is having a hissy fit about his bag. He wants me to make sure that his bag is on b/c "he plays professional baseball, and his uniforms are in that bag." He tells me how he is going from the airport to the field. Whatever........
I calm him slightly, assure him his bag and uniforms are onboard. He tries to tip me. I do not know why I said I did not take tips. I should have taken it. oh well.

He was in the first row of coach. He could not get first b/c it was full, and he "missed his private jet" UH, if you have a private jet, do they leave without you??????? doubt it.
He went up to two ladies in first and offered them 500.00 to trade seats! BOZO, get out of here. Sit down and shut it!
All this, before we are even boarded completely. Finally, we are totally full, and ready to go. Lucky me, my jumpseat is directly across from faux celeb. His name is Jay. He told me his name, but that he likes to fly under the radar. He also told me several people already recognized him on the plane. I never saw anyone recognize him at all! So, Mr. Jay, has his legs SPRAWLED OUT on my jumpseat. I mean, you need to sit up for takeoff buddy, espcially if I am having to sit here. I sit down, and he begins asking me questions. (this is common, as everyone sitting in front of the jumpseat usually starts firing away the ????) The strange thing here is... he has noise canceling headseats on so he can not hear my responses. Take off your stupid headset, if you want to converse! Instead he was just screaming, and finally I rolled my eyes, and stopped answering all together.
Dude is up and around the entire flight, asking the f/as in coach for everything, wanting to talk about his baseball career. He informed us,"he is not as big as AROD, but he is really good" remember he wants to fly under the radar??/
I forgot to tell you, he was in a hoodie, and sunglasses, always a dead giveaway for a D list or fake celeb!!

On landing, he is sitting next to a Jewish guy. Some of them, pray at certain times, and they have rituals that they do when they pray. If you have never seen this, I admit, it can be slightly surprising. So this nice little Jewish guy wrapped up his arm, and got all ready for his prayer and was PRAYING. Jay starts firing off the questions.... With his headphones on.... Dude just wants to pray in peace. This was on landing, so I was sitting there again. Jay is clueless.
Luckily, he was sidetracked and started telling me, and ( b/c of the headsets, half of the cabin) how his neighbor is anna kornikova. OK.

So, we finally get to NYC and I call my googlizer friend, tell her his name and guess what? There is no Jay Sayer in the MLB, especially the Orioles, or Reds. I forgot to tell you that he was wearing MLB socks. Goober.

Up front, we had Jamie from Mythbusters, he was very nice, and Brandon loves that show! Also, the mom from That Seventies Show. Also, very nice. Neither of them were wearing hoodies and shades!

when you begin on the wrong foot....

I am on reserve this month. Basically, that means on-call. So today my assignment was airport standby, basically that means sitting at the airport for 6 hours and maybe going on a trip. ;)
So, I am getting ready to leave my house to sign in for my standby, and there are 4 things I always make sure I have before I leave my house. My ID, check. my, (work) keys, check. My make-up bag, check ( I left it once before). Last but certainly not least my wallet, OH NO! My wallet was in the diaper bag. At the babysitter's house. CRAP.

I leave my house in a frustrated hurry, to try and get it from the diaper bag. 7 minutes from my house I wonder if I blew out my candle, and turn around go back home, and yes I had... I get back into my car, go to the babysitter's house and get my wallet from under the mat. It was under tha mat to avoid baby and mommy seeing each other. I am quite certain one or both of us would have had a melt down.

Onward Christian Soldier, to the airport I go. I sit, sit, sit for 3 hours. Then the call comes. I go to the gate to preboard a LGA flight. Once I get there, I get a call that I have a different trip on my schedule and I have abou 1.5 hours until I leave.

So, I cruise on over to the A terminal to get a bite, and some cash. I put my ATM card in to get some cash and "invalid pin" is what I get instead of 40 bucks. GREAT? I got a new card, cut up the old one, and did not wait for my new pin in the mail. I am going on a 3 day and need some money here!!! So, I make the call to try and figure it out, I get a nice woman on the phone and she tells me to get my pen and paper ready. OK. My pen explodes as I take it out of my bag. I now have blue pen ink on my hands, paper, and my face. All over my face. Why? because I uncapped my pen unknowingly with my teeth, and then realized it had exploded. I now have less than an hour to get on my plane, and need the money so I am writing with my ink spilling everywhere and trying to get my new pin number! I get my info, duck my head into the bathroom, clean my face (hands were beyond cleaning) and make the call. YES! A new PIN number, and some cash for the road!

Hopefully, tomorrow starts off on a more rested, smoother foot!

hmmmmmmmmm

This morning, at 4:00 I was getting dressed. I found my "spanks" in my suitcase. I thought, "oh, I will go ahead and wear these today, since they are here." I have not seen them in awhile and so was surprised to find them in my suitcase. I put one foot in, and thought Good God! These are so tight, but I do need them, and I guess they really need to be tight to tuck it all in. As I continue to try and get them on, I think crap... These are so tiny!
I investigate a little more.... Investingating the tag, I see size 9 months.... oops.

Here in Wichita

Well, here I am again in a hotel business center. Actually, I did have a rather nice afternoon at the mall, and bookstore. I just wanted to swing by here and check my email, and my facebook scrabble games, and then get on with it. I was going to get my hair cut at the mall. They have a Regis salon. I started to look around at the mall patrons, and decided to forego that and just eat instead. I had a nice subway sandwich and some chips. I had a 6 inch for lunch, and a 6 inch for dinner, but I did eat it all at one time.

The trip thus far has been uneventful. The planes have been so empty (scary) which gives me even more time to read the paper, and get nervous about our economy and the fate of the country. I guess if I do get furloughed, I ought to be happy that Obama is in office. At least my unemployment will be maximized! I really do not have too much fear of getting the axe, but when these flights are so empty it is hard not to start with the "what ifs". OK. fine. It is hard for me not to "what if" anyways.

I have found a fairly difficult transition of returning to work (for the 2nd time). I just hope that I am able to get back in a routine and try not to cry everytime I see a baby on the plane. Working Moms, it gets better... right???

Last night in Co Springs, I got into my room at the Crowne Plaza, (which is not my favorite chain for an entirely different set of reasons!!!) and the bathtub was filled with water. GROSS. You probably think that I requested a new room. I didn't. I just drained the thing and went to bed. I know, GROSS... My alarm clock was askew and went off every 2 hours. I know I should have unplugged it but I wanted to know what time it was whenever my eyes opened. So I just turned it off every 2 hours, rolled over and went back to sleep. This all said, it is 5:30 here in Wichita, and I am off to bed!